TWO

It takes two people to start a relationship, so it should take two to end it as well. It’s fair isn’t it?

MISTAKE

This is written in retrospect. I made my first mistake today. Fortunately, the chest x-ray and the abdo x-ray were all normal and my mistake was erased. Gone, like it never happened. But several days later, she spiked a fever and was coughing.

I knew in my heart it wasn't anything I did.

But life is a series of events. If I didn't initiate it, perhaps things wouldn't have progressed the way they did.

You never forget the first diagnosis you made. More so the very first mistake.

Fuck. I need to find my peace.

JUNIOR

It’s been a fairly busy week. Medical firms are different than surgical firms. I can understand with surgical patients, the senior doctors do the hard work. On medical wards, the big bosses come twice a week and make clinical decisions; and leave the junior doctors running around doing all their biddings.

My consultant does his ward rounds on Monday afternoons and Fridays mornings. On Mondays, he would leave us with 50 minutes before 5 pm to do the ward works. I leave after 5 of course, but my F1 has to stay late for so many times already.

Junior doctors should get more credit.

FLIP

My SHO and the F1 from the other team flipped a coin for a patient today. My SHO won, so the other team had to take the patient. We have 16 and they have 17 now.

My SHO was really pleased. According to him, always pick head. We all say it’s fifty-fifty but the probability is actually higher for head. I don’t really believe that. European coins are fifty-fifty but one of the American coins is not so.

My SHO said I would, in the future, flip a coin for a patient as well, so might as well learn the trick now.

Sigh. It’s depressing.

60 PER DEATH

A gentleman on the ward died today. I went with my F1 to certify his death. Listen for heart sounds for 1 minute. Listen for breath sounds for 1 minute. Palpate for central pulse for 1 minute. Check for responsiveness to pain. Check pupil size and reaction to light. Do fundoscopy to look for arterial blockage.

Nothing. He was dead. Tomorrow we’re going to the morgue to identify him, check for pacemaker and fill in the death certificate.

That’s 60-ish pounds for my F1, and one less patient for everyone else.